Intimacy of Childrearing

I just can't believe how much my baby patting my back made my heart swell. I knew when breastfeeding her as a newborn, the feelings associated with breastfeeding, like how warm their little bodies are, the sweet smell of milk and baby, the sound of soft swallows and coos, and how cute they look when their eyes meet yours, would be intense. But I was not prepared to have some of those same feelings as they grew. Jackie kissed my back the other night before going to bed and it was such a wonderful gesture. I felt more bonded to her in that instant than when she said, "I love you Momma," earlier in the evening. I had no idea child rearing was going to be like this. There are many things I wasn't prepared for. This job never ends, but I show up everyday anyway.